what everyone said happened that terrible year in third grade
roger d'agostin
Mike Light, who everyone calls retarded when teachers aren’t around, said Jimmy Smith liked Jillian McConnell.
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Jane Meyers said she wished Mike’s brother, Duane, had beat Jimmy up because Jimmy shouldn’t keep knocking on Mike’s helmet and screaming, “Who’s there? Who’s there?” It’s not nice. He has to wear that helmet. Not because he’s retarded. That’s different. The helmet is for something else.
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Jeff Flynn said Mike Light was smart in math. “He’s only sometimes retarded. Sometimes his brain works. He helped me do division once when his brain was working. But the next day it wasn’t and he was retarded again and he couldn’t help me.”
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Jack Watters said, “Jimmy looked scared as hell. Duane was pointing his finger and saying, I’m going to kick your ass. Touch my brother one more time. Jimmy didn’t look up. He was rolling his apple on the table and saying he didn’t touch Mike.”
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Jane said, “Maybe Duane’s not so tough. I mean, once Jimmy punched him in the nose he didn’t do anything.” Mike Light yelled, “My brother kicked your ass, Jimmy. My brother kicked your ass.” ​
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Jane Meyers said she smacked Jillian's back so hard she fractured her wrist. The doctor called it a hairline fracture, and, because it wasn't on her growth plate, she didn't need to wear a cast.
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Jack Watters said one of Jillian’s eyeballs fell out. That was why the police didn't let anyone in. The janitors had to look for it and they didn't want anyone stepping on it.
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George Watters said Jillian’s eyeball didn't fall out. She turned red, really red, then purple and blue. She was so red and so purple and so blue you could see the colors on the back of her head right through her blonde hair.
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Nick O’Toole said the whole class ran out of the room and he was the only one that tried to help. He kept saying Cough. Cough. Try to cough. Cough. Please cough.
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No one believed Jack Watters when he said they brought Nick to the ambulance. He didn’t know why Nick because Nick wasn’t trying to catch quarters in his mouth. He didn’t try once.
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Jeff Flynn said George Watters kept telling Jillian to throw the quarters higher and higher, and that if he didn’t keep daring her, then she wouldn’t have choked because the quarter she choked on bounced off the ceiling and straight down into her throat. If it hadn’t hit the ceiling, it wouldn’t have come down so fast, and she wouldn’t have choked, and if George hadn’t dared her it wouldn’t have hit the ceiling. “So there’s that,” Jeff said. But Jane Flynn, Jeff’s older sister who stayed back a year, who everyone called Jane Flynn because they called Jane Meyers Jane, knew he was lying.
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Jane Flynn said, “That’s not how it happened, and you wouldn’t know anyway because you were reading.” ​
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Jane Flynn said she could have choked to death. She was lucky she stopped when the first quarter chipped her front tooth. Jillian said, “Let me see. Let me see.” But she didn’t see anything. That’s when Jillian started to show off, throwing quarters higher and higher, saying, “See, it’s easy.” ​
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George Watters stared at Jillian’s little sister Anna, who was in second grade every Tuesday, when they ate lunch. She had the same clear, blonde hair as Jillian, and when she laughed, the back of her head turned the nicest shade of pink. But never purple or blue. Never. No matter how hard she laughed.
Mike Light asked her: “Do you catch quarters, too?”
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Jane Meyers moved and told all the kids at her new school that she almost choked on a quarter in third grade. “If I had smaller teeth, I would have choked but it bounced off my front tooth.” She even pointed to her left front tooth and told them it was slightly chipped, and that you had to look really close to see it, but that’s what saved her.
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Nick O’Toole told everyone in health class that coughing won’t help you when you choke. Mrs. Conners had to send him to the office because every time she talked the class through the procedure for assisting someone who was choking, he interrupted, “That won’t work. You need to pound on the back immediately.”
When Mike Light made Anna cry because he said, “I bet you’re not good at catching quarters in your mouth either,” Jimmy Smith told him he would give him a quarter every day if he left Anna alone. They shook hands, and Mike said, “If you don’t my brother will beat your ass,” but Jimmy said, “I promise. Now you can’t talk to her.” Mike pantomimed like he was zipping his lips even though his mouth was still open. But he stopped bothering Anna, and Jimmy handed him a quarter every day after school except the one time he didn’t have one, when he gave Mike a dollar.
Roger D'Agostin is a writer living in Connecticut. His most recent work has appeared in Vermillion, Washington Square Review, and Third Wednesday. He is currently working on a book of short stories.
